My life in Quotes

I wake up with music in my heart almost every day, I call it my heart song and it keeps me alive. This morning I woke up with Ed Sheran's "Beautiful People". Music is like a life force That I can tell you that I need to survive. I love to sleep but I love waking up, gives me a chance to be grateful again. I'm grateful, I'm on new medicines and I'm hanging in there but I'm exhausted from them and work. I just want to be normal, as in no drugs ever in my body. I don't drink or do recreational drugs just my bipolar meds and my new Gabapentin. So I had to unwind, so I took a melatonin and it helped me sleep but I woke up without an alarm at 7ish am. Yet this is how I feel quite often but it is wonderful to wake up with music in my head: We don't fit in well 'Cause we are just ourselves I could use some help Gettin' out of this conversation, yeah You look stunning, dear So don't ask that question here This is my only fear, that we becom...

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty." Mother Teresa Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be loved and I feel like a burden on my friends. This stems from being given away for adoption. I don't think I can handle such a rejection like that ever again if I ever decide to contact my birth mom. Those statements feel irrational to many people I feel like but let me explain. What happened to me? Why do I feel this way? When I got deported to North Carolina from New York State, I kicked and screamed. I said stuff like can I live with Grandma and my Mom was like, Grandma is done raising kids lol! That's not what Grandma's are for! I understand that now. I moved to the south and it sucked. I can remember some things from moving here, mainly the rough moments that stick out. Like I made friends really fast when I moved here but my career in middle school was tumultuous. I went to Crown Christian when I moved here but I...

Sometimes when I get my feelings hurt, I lash out, like yesterday. So, let me paint a picture around the landscape my mind is in. Currently, the climate of the nation is very depressing. We are under quarantine because of the outbreak of Covid-19. I'm stuck in a place I have no longer wanted to live in, for an unforeseeable future. I want to move out for the same reasons that have happened in the past with my ex-roommate, Brinkley. I don't like being irresponsible and now it has happened a few times, in my new living arrangement. I have had to ask for help with rent. I don't know if I'll ever get to live on my own and it's killing me. I want to be self-sufficient more than ever but I keep getting pushed back. What is going on that I can't see in the future? I also want to move out because I have a roommate that cannot stop inputting his opinions on where my money should go, as much as I love him. I started a new job and there has been stress around my new jo...

There's something about the date April 21st, 2018 that will be forever a pivotal moment in my life. "If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else." ~ Booker T. Washington I love volunteering and seeing an impact on the community.  I for a long time have wanted to give back to the community. So after Jasper passed away and I had volunteered with Horse-N-Around TRC, I came up with The Jasper Tree. Jasper was the most amazing little boy there ever was in a wheelchair. He absolutely lifted me up every day. I loved that little guy more than everyone that has ever been in my life. He is the inspiration for my giving back.  My friends, Travis and Anna, have a family and they had a little boy with peds cancer. I went to them and said hey, I would like to help bring light to your struggles and create an event to honor them. Well, I have always wanted to go to a masquerade ball and by hell, I was going to create one. I had done an amazing amount of footwork a...

A Learning Experience By Joshua Paul Harke "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas Edison I would like to believe that there is more to life than just suffering and feeling like we are in constant pity. We have to thrive, if we give in to the pain and suffering, we will perish. This is my take on the Thomas Edison quote. I am writing this to share my higher education journey while developing mental health illness. In 2001 I graduated from high school and I was one of Who’s Who Among American High School Students. I was a great kid; I was voted most school spirit at UFCA my senior year. I played ice hockey, soccer, baseball and I was the mascot in my school. I was very loved according to my yearbooks and senior memoirs. In my freshman year of 2001 that all changed. I went from a small Christian school to UNCC, which was a culture shock. Thousands of freshmen enter the halls...