My life in Quotes

  The Most Fun Kind of Anxiety The world hurts. What does that mean? The world can feel. It cries just like you and I. I miss your touch. I have not felt the embrace in ages. Ages you say. Ages are not your touch but the feeling of being touched. All anxiety disappears when I am with you. I love the embrace the world can give. I miss the field near my childhood home. It was golden. It only needed a few trims a year. It gave the most amazing feelings ever. Just lying in it and rolling around. Could philosophers have rolled around in my field? Could I be a philosopher? I have often found myself relating. I have never wanted something again like what I have with you. I want to lie in a field of gold again. I would share my field with you. I want to feel that embrace. I want the embrace that erases my anxiety. I need that kind of love.

  I'm constantly reminded every morning that I have a disease. I take a few little pills that make life relatively easier. Today isn't one of those days. I'm super frustrated, sad, and have a crazy headache. It's not that I enjoy talking about the reality of what goes on in my brain, this is new the talking about it, within the past couple of years. It's like tons of information got held back and for a while, I just talked and talked. I've gone through a lot and I'm really proud of myself for working hard and getting back into school last spring. I'm proud of how hard I work at simple life tasks that people take for granted. I'm proud of how hard I work just at a job and what I hope is seen by employers as my integrity. I'm really proud of being able to coach kids in flag football and how much I really enjoy it. Life is much better than it was even 2 years ago to a year ago. I keep moving forward and marching towards a brighter future. A lot of ...

It's all in your head and are you sure it's not all in your head or aren't you overthinking things? Man, if I could just not have it in my head but and on my Google Nexus tablet around my neck continually for everyone to see my brain  and the patterns  and levels of anguish I go through, it would be awesome. “One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you're living with this illness and functioning at all, it's something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” ―  Carrie Fisher,  Wishful...

I'm going to attempt to explain anxiety: pretend you like flowers, you like roses and daisies. They both are beautiful and you plant them in your garden. You have a dog and you love him very much. You spent 10 hours planting the flowers. You let your dog out to potty and then he sniffs the flowers. Pees on a shepherd's hook and comes inside. All you could think about was the damn flowers getting peed on as he sniffed them. Then you sigh in relief as he pees on the shepherd's hook. Fast forward to lying in bed. An hour of sleep passes and you wake up in a cold sweat from dreaming your dog, that you love, dug up the flowers. Somewhere between sniffing, worrying about the flowers getting peed on and the ultimate worst thing that could happen to expensive flowers. You wake up thinking about your damn flowers and run downstairs to see if they're okay. Nothing happened to the flowers but sometimes one thought about how something could happen spirals out of control. It's n...

Dangling Fifty thousand feet in the air. Ripped right out of my seat. The way it all happened was a flash. Something changed. You snapped and took control. Steered us into that sheer cliff. I don’t know what it was about today. Everything was normal. Breakfast was normal. The ride was normal. The take-off was normal. Engine check. And anxiety reared a few into the trip. I knew it was over. She flipped, I flipped. An engine blew. She saved us possibly in my anxiety. So we were plummeting. Sheer speeds. Falling and falling. She grabbed the controls. Steered us in to that cliff. I survived that day but you did not. Now my heart dangles like I did that day. This poem is about my worst fears translated into something that doesn't bother me. I don't fear flying. I fear drivers on the road, people I ride with and their vehicles. I had an anxiety attack while I was driving in Matthews a long time ago. It was h...