My life in Quotes

  As I wake up with tear-stained cheeks I am grateful that my Mom is in heaven. She's not suffering anymore, she's not enduring this pandemic, and she's surrounded by family. She struggled with her health through the years that I was growing up. I remember when she passed out in the kitchen and Reedy Creek Park. She developed diabetes from Pretisone and she had fibromyalgia. When she was in the hospital she had been misdiagnosed for an infection that ended spreading. it affected her mind as well. She was on and off the ventilator, and at one point she was making a turn for the better. She always asked Dad when can she go home but that was not the plan to be had. She became addicted to the pain meds in the hospital. The doctors were doing procedures behind my dad's back then the nurses would tell him. I visited when she had been placed into the hospital and she didn't look at all like my mom. I didn't even talk when I was in the room. I was in great shock but I w...

  Subject She called out to you. Looked out the window next to the door. Will you ever come back was the thought. So overcome with emotion she opened the door. Lying on the pavement was my body. Covered in dirt, lying on the ground. As I was lying there, I wanted to be picked up. My Father picked me up in his hands. Brushed off the dirt on my face and kissed my forehead. The sole purpose to be picked up was to go back. I wanted to be saved from my life. Selfish mortal was I. Sent back to the ground, I leaped into the air. Time has not ended for me. Mother in tears smiled upon me. Father in the skies cried for me. I left grace and found a new chance. Time isn’t mine, we are all subject. Time is no mans.

I started praying to God that he'd take my Mom home to heaven. She kept saying that she wanted to go back home to Zephyrhills with Dad but I knew from her long battle that she needed to go home to heaven. She was a humble prayer warrior and a mighty advocate for justice. She's my inspiration for caring about people even though it gets me in trouble. She was a great entertainer that liked to host gatherings at home with family and friends. She was a writer and artist. She was a kind and compassionate teacher of many children over the years. She took in many foster kids and adopted two special ones. There's a void in my life without her and I miss her. She was in so much pain and I'm glad she's in heaven. When she passed away after Christmas it was horrible for me. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night to feel her gone and I cried myself to sleep again. I didn't think I was going to get to go to her funeral because of a lack of money. Some...

I wake up with music in my heart almost every day, I call it my heart song and it keeps me alive. This morning I woke up with Ed Sheran's "Beautiful People". Music is like a life force That I can tell you that I need to survive. I love to sleep but I love waking up, gives me a chance to be grateful again. I'm grateful, I'm on new medicines and I'm hanging in there but I'm exhausted from them and work. I just want to be normal, as in no drugs ever in my body. I don't drink or do recreational drugs just my bipolar meds and my new Gabapentin. So I had to unwind, so I took a melatonin and it helped me sleep but I woke up without an alarm at 7ish am. Yet this is how I feel quite often but it is wonderful to wake up with music in my head: We don't fit in well 'Cause we are just ourselves I could use some help Gettin' out of this conversation, yeah You look stunning, dear So don't ask that question here This is my only fear, that we becom...

I'm constantly reminded of tretury, pain and death on Facebook memories. Even moments that were good sting and the moments that were bad pierce deep.  The pictures remind me of the betrayal. Being thrown under the bus... Being used and mentally abused... I'm going to be hopeful this year to challenge the hurt I feel. Is it continuing? What can I do to control that pain? I know giving it to God, hugs, tough love and hugs help. Yes, I said hugs twice. I want to heal so badly and I let go of some seriously toxic people and some good people because they were collateral triggers. I feel I can finally heal after losing friends and losing my mom.  I may not pray daily but I'm trying.  This is a challenge to my friends that are hurting from similar situations, give it to God or a higher power. Find happiness in something that's a distraction, try a new hobby or get back to a hobby you love.  Don't let uncomfortable people silence your pain.  Take care of yourself, find ...

My Mother was my biggest inspiration for having a big heart. It is because of her, I love endlessly and forgive so easily. I was asked and have been asked how can you forgive certain people multiple times. Well, it's taught by Jesus in the Bible and well, my Mother was a great example of showing mercy and forgiveness.  I have learned so much from being an adopted child of the Harke's. My Mom, I've taken so much from my Mom, Myra, then my Dad. He tried to teach me fiscal responsibility and my mom knew it was important but my heart always wins. My mom's heart was amazing, as well as my father's. They brought in so many foster children and had two of their own.  Andy Flemming said, my mom, treated every kid that came into her home as her own. No, if and's or buts she loved kids. She must have felt that I was special enough to pour thousands of dollars of savings into adopting me. It took ten years of their life to secure the safety of one child.  The fruit...

No Words There are no sounds today. Stirring awake as I take breaths of pure oxygen. I’ve lost my will to speak. I think I’m going crazy.   I look at you while falling from grace. Our hands slip as we fall away from each other. I still would rather not make a peep. No sounds, no fears. We are slipping away down a dismal hole. Tiny spikes will impale us. I think I should have warned you. But I let us fall and we were barely grazed. Landing on the hard cold ground. Feeling free of life’s iron grip, you lean over my body. You hold me and begin to open your mouth. I motion with my last bit of energy. I know, I know and cover your lips with my finger. Lying in your arms, I pass away. Covered in your tears, you close my eyes. I am free. I like this poem that I wrote because it's strong. Its message is that sometimes I want to be the hero even until death. I saved that other person's life in this poem. I was struggling f...

"I want three things in life; Love, Liberty and Death. Love 'cause I have this belief that she is out there for me, Liberty because no matter if we hate this government I am still free and Death 'cause my legacy will one day be great and I wont need this world." When I was 22 years old, I would joke about retiring at 25 years of age while working as a key holder in an ice cream store. I also believed in love but didn't know what it really was and I often said I wanted to die before I was old and wrinkly. I've also have O.D. once and that was my wake up call sometime around '09 to '11, it's hazy the time line. I've pretty much blocked it out just that it happened is all that matters and that it wont ever again. So I've fallen in love with this amazing woman who is so much like me yet so different but in good ways. I don't ever want the connection we share with anyone ever again, it seriously scares me sometimes. For example she ...