My life in Quotes

  As I wake up with tear-stained cheeks I am grateful that my Mom is in heaven. She's not suffering anymore, she's not enduring this pandemic, and she's surrounded by family. She struggled with her health through the years that I was growing up. I remember when she passed out in the kitchen and Reedy Creek Park. She developed diabetes from Pretisone and she had fibromyalgia. When she was in the hospital she had been misdiagnosed for an infection that ended spreading. it affected her mind as well. She was on and off the ventilator, and at one point she was making a turn for the better. She always asked Dad when can she go home but that was not the plan to be had. She became addicted to the pain meds in the hospital. The doctors were doing procedures behind my dad's back then the nurses would tell him. I visited when she had been placed into the hospital and she didn't look at all like my mom. I didn't even talk when I was in the room. I was in great shock but I w...

  Into the Mirror There was a mirror sitting in the old dusty attic. It could tell stories but save that for tales of Snow White. There was a sheet protecting it from receiving any more memories. It was sturdy and reached towards the ceiling. Full of emotions that can be felt today. The sheet moved; I heard a slight clinking with a sway of a rosery. The perfect beginning to every day started at the pointed corner. Mirrors trap everything even if you’re not using them, It takes in all of life that passes it. It recalls prayers at the foot of the bed, You were raised to clutch that symbol. It stopped meaning something. The bombs dropped. That rosery was left on that corner. You didn’t need that symbol. Somehow, I get that. The world never knows us alive when we’re not famous, The world will never remember us either after we’re gone. As that doesn’t matter, just the souls that join in heaven. Long after you’re gone and my children ask about thei...

When I was very young, after I came back to the Harkes, I would hit and pinch my Mom. I can imagine it being rough on her having a little boy that doesn't understand his pain and how to even express it properly. Dad said that she prayed ceaselessly for me to have peace inside. I have had a whole life of internal strife and sleepless nights of emotional pain. Mom was there for me through a lot of it.  It's weird having Mom gone. It's when they moved to Florida that our relationship flourished. I always found it odd and annoying at times when Mom left 3 min voicemails but I miss that now. I wish I had a recording of her voice telling me that she loves me. I have, I believe every card that Mom had sent to me from 2013 until she couldn't send out cards anymore. I have birthday cards, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, just because she was thinking about me, and handwritten letters. She really loved me and wanted me to know that I wasn't alone in this world. She rea...

I started praying to God that he'd take my Mom home to heaven. She kept saying that she wanted to go back home to Zephyrhills with Dad but I knew from her long battle that she needed to go home to heaven. She was a humble prayer warrior and a mighty advocate for justice. She's my inspiration for caring about people even though it gets me in trouble. She was a great entertainer that liked to host gatherings at home with family and friends. She was a writer and artist. She was a kind and compassionate teacher of many children over the years. She took in many foster kids and adopted two special ones. There's a void in my life without her and I miss her. She was in so much pain and I'm glad she's in heaven. When she passed away after Christmas it was horrible for me. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night to feel her gone and I cried myself to sleep again. I didn't think I was going to get to go to her funeral because of a lack of money. Some...

You Can Always Come Home I didn’t end up on your doorstep like some babies, You knew I was on my way, You were ready for me. You loved me and gave me a wonderful name. When I left you, You prayed for God to bring me home, I came home different, You loved me the same as if I never left. When I graduated high school, I left home, I became sick at college my freshman year, You brought me home, You loved me the same as always, When I wanted to visit family in NY, Things didn’t go so well, You said I could come home, You loved me as if I never left. You left me in North Carolina, My home moved with you all, I always dressed up to visit, I longed for home! I loved calling you every day, The calls became shorter, When you became ill, I couldn’t be by your side like Dad, I prayed for God to bring you home, Heaven was ready for you, God brought you home! I will always love you, Mom! I wrote this to honor the memory of my Mom because of her birthday passing and Mother's day coming up.

I wake up with music in my heart almost every day, I call it my heart song and it keeps me alive. This morning I woke up with Ed Sheran's "Beautiful People". Music is like a life force That I can tell you that I need to survive. I love to sleep but I love waking up, gives me a chance to be grateful again. I'm grateful, I'm on new medicines and I'm hanging in there but I'm exhausted from them and work. I just want to be normal, as in no drugs ever in my body. I don't drink or do recreational drugs just my bipolar meds and my new Gabapentin. So I had to unwind, so I took a melatonin and it helped me sleep but I woke up without an alarm at 7ish am. Yet this is how I feel quite often but it is wonderful to wake up with music in my head: We don't fit in well 'Cause we are just ourselves I could use some help Gettin' out of this conversation, yeah You look stunning, dear So don't ask that question here This is my only fear, that we becom...

The evolution of humanity is not the evolution of the species of man but the inside of man that is important in 2019. We will examine the definition of humanity no. 2:  humaneness; benevolence. I wanted to write about humanity no. 2 from the dictionary because I have experienced an outpouring of love since Feb 2018 when my Mom went into the hospital, she passed away and the love people share with me after. "One should never direct people towards happiness because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to." ~  ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN Am I happy? I would like to say that I am unsure as of 12:30 am. Do I love myself? I would like to think I do. I look back at Facebook memories and see the outpouring of love from my community that has taken me in and put me in the fol...