My life in Quotes

 I would like to think that I'm Spiritual, not religious but I read the religious text called the Bible. I also believe in love and I know that there are definitions of what love is versus what I've been showing to my last girlfriend.  1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; She read the greatest love and understood it to be about my love of first sight relationship or in retrospect the girlfriend it's about. The greatest love isn't about said girl but about the feelings around it and they can't be recreated because we are all different people. I understand that that relationship has ended, I hold on to the hope that there can be a love-at-first-sight relationship again. It doesn't have to actually happen but I want to look at the woman I love every day with that feeling. Because in that relationship the feeling went away, and I...

When I was very young, after I came back to the Harkes, I would hit and pinch my Mom. I can imagine it being rough on her having a little boy that doesn't understand his pain and how to even express it properly. Dad said that she prayed ceaselessly for me to have peace inside. I have had a whole life of internal strife and sleepless nights of emotional pain. Mom was there for me through a lot of it.  It's weird having Mom gone. It's when they moved to Florida that our relationship flourished. I always found it odd and annoying at times when Mom left 3 min voicemails but I miss that now. I wish I had a recording of her voice telling me that she loves me. I have, I believe every card that Mom had sent to me from 2013 until she couldn't send out cards anymore. I have birthday cards, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, just because she was thinking about me, and handwritten letters. She really loved me and wanted me to know that I wasn't alone in this world. She rea...

When I came to this crossroad, I met this lovely young lady. She had no face and I could only see her soul. I knelt down beside her and said how is your soul is so radiant? She said when you center yourself, you enter the state of allowing yourself to see all that is good and evil. She was the one meant for me and her soul was as bright as the sun. I took the road to the left and never saw her again. The next day I came back and there was no light at the crossroad but a black heart. What is the moral of the story? This is how I feel. No one is for certain who you will meet at each crossroad of our lives. Don't lose a chance to make something out of each crossroad. Then I picked up that heart put it in the pocket on my sleeve and wore it there for all the world to see. I walked across a tiny wooden bridge where I met a man with no soul just a mangled face. We spoke about the people on this road. We talked till sunset. He said I can give you what you nee...

I'm constantly reminded of tretury, pain and death on Facebook memories. Even moments that were good sting and the moments that were bad pierce deep.  The pictures remind me of the betrayal. Being thrown under the bus... Being used and mentally abused... I'm going to be hopeful this year to challenge the hurt I feel. Is it continuing? What can I do to control that pain? I know giving it to God, hugs, tough love and hugs help. Yes, I said hugs twice. I want to heal so badly and I let go of some seriously toxic people and some good people because they were collateral triggers. I feel I can finally heal after losing friends and losing my mom.  I may not pray daily but I'm trying.  This is a challenge to my friends that are hurting from similar situations, give it to God or a higher power. Find happiness in something that's a distraction, try a new hobby or get back to a hobby you love.  Don't let uncomfortable people silence your pain.  Take care of yourself, find ...

"I don't like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them." Carroll Bryant February 5th - 4 months have gone by in a blink of an eye where I have done so much harm and learned so much about myself and this amazing, beautiful and tortured soul that I love. I'm not saying I'm sticking by anyone to just stick by them. I feel I have one of the biggest hearts of this generation and I love and hurt easily but this is a different situation. While she suffers I am not able to be her Joshua Rock while she's in emotional pain and stress and I feel many things but not everything overrides my own anxiety. I've been apart of keeping hope live for myself with many friendships and this is the first Love that I've struggled with. She's my ideal Love, no matter the fight my head and heart have I want to keep hope alive and stand by her. I've only given up on one friend, I loved as much as a brother. He betrayed me and used me to t...