My life in Quotes

  In the hills of Missou, there was a roadrunner. Zip, zip there she goes! So meticulous and perfect running through the hills of life. She plans for the next trek. She runs with calculation never failing and never falling. She’s young but determined. She’s young but hardened. She’s young and full of heart. It’s time to show your grit. Everyone will follow your smile. Zip, zip through the hills of Missou. I wrote this for a friend's niece. We had a brainstorming session and I wrote it a couple of weeks later. You can feel the love of an aunt in the ideas given to me. I wanted to embody the spirit of a teen runner that captures your heart with a wink and a smile.

  I'm constantly reminded every morning that I have a disease. I take a few little pills that make life relatively easier. Today isn't one of those days. I'm super frustrated, sad, and have a crazy headache. It's not that I enjoy talking about the reality of what goes on in my brain, this is new the talking about it, within the past couple of years. It's like tons of information got held back and for a while, I just talked and talked. I've gone through a lot and I'm really proud of myself for working hard and getting back into school last spring. I'm proud of how hard I work at simple life tasks that people take for granted. I'm proud of how hard I work just at a job and what I hope is seen by employers as my integrity. I'm really proud of being able to coach kids in flag football and how much I really enjoy it. Life is much better than it was even 2 years ago to a year ago. I keep moving forward and marching towards a brighter future. A lot of ...

When I was very young, after I came back to the Harkes, I would hit and pinch my Mom. I can imagine it being rough on her having a little boy that doesn't understand his pain and how to even express it properly. Dad said that she prayed ceaselessly for me to have peace inside. I have had a whole life of internal strife and sleepless nights of emotional pain. Mom was there for me through a lot of it.  It's weird having Mom gone. It's when they moved to Florida that our relationship flourished. I always found it odd and annoying at times when Mom left 3 min voicemails but I miss that now. I wish I had a recording of her voice telling me that she loves me. I have, I believe every card that Mom had sent to me from 2013 until she couldn't send out cards anymore. I have birthday cards, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, just because she was thinking about me, and handwritten letters. She really loved me and wanted me to know that I wasn't alone in this world. She rea...

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ―  Laurell K. Hamilton,  Mistral's Kiss I'm writing this because if I don't get to tell my story, the story is over! I feel suicidal, fear,  anger, humiliation, and I don't know who I am. I am not this guy, I'm not a coward and I won't back down in the face of hard times.  You do know time just doesn't start in one place for humanity. This starts in 2017 when I won my disability court case and I was told don't talk about the earnings. I'm a certifiable dumb ass kinda. I didn't directly say how much I won but I said I had won the case to some "friends". The person capitalized on it and wrecked my world. Will justice be served? I don't know, I didn't press charges because he was supposed to be my friend. I wrote a bit about the guy that stole my money in good faith to pay me back. I helped him way more than I could help m...

“And what if---what are you if the people who are supposed to love you can leave you like you're nothing?” ―  Elizabeth Scott,  The Unwritten Rule In the summer of 2013, I was alone. In April of 2013, I moved into a new place. I wasn't living with my family anymore. In reality, I was alone when my parents moved to Florida in May of 2013. How can I make such a statement? I can say this because when my parents left I struggled. I feel if it wouldn't have been so hard if my older brother had been there for me. He was planning his escape from Charlotte too. He was getting ready to move his family to Kentucky that summer. This is why I was alone. They lived in the Charlotte area but never gave me the time of day. I craved my family and I felt like I was a burden on them. When I came to my foster family the Harke's in 1982, they tried to figure out what to call me. My parents wanted to name me Paul and Brian wanted to give me the name Joshua. He gave me a name he wanted t...

"Hi, Deborah, I'm Joshua Harke and I'm your biological son. It's taken me a while to get to today. I have quite a lot of questions and I completely understand if you don't want to share but I would love to know.  I don't know the whole story as to why I was given up for adoption but I was raised by the Harke's with love and I feel blessed to call them my family. I would like to get the chance to know you and I will try to understand that if you should choose to not wish to speak to me I will respect that. But whichever way you chose you should know somethings: I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a published author and blogger. I love art and reading for fun. I went to a few schools in NC and I live here now. I love kids yet I have none. I have been told I'm special and that there's this light inside of me. I want to make a change in this world but sometimes I struggle. I'm planning on finishing my second Associ...

My current favorite show is Brooklyn 99 and I'm on season 5 but in season 4 they tackled racism in the police force. It really made me think back to middle school. I have very vivid thoughts of racism that I had encountered before. Sergeant Jeffords is one of my favorite characters on the show. He's funny and caring. He always has his team's back in any situation that arises. The show isn't an accurate depiction of police life but it's very funny as well as a good distraction. Why this is so important to me has a few things I'll bring up that I'm very guarded to talk about with my friends. "Sergeant Jeffords: I wanted to help people like that cop helped me. But right now, I don't feel like a superhero. I feel the opposite. When I got stopped the other day, I wasn't a cop. I wasn't a guy who lived in a neighborhood looking for his daughter's toy. I was a black man, a dangerous black man. That's all he could see: a threat. And I c...

What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude. -Brené Brown I was told that my siblings don't want a relationship with me because I at some point said in a way that I'm the oldest and I deserve respect. When you are in your twenties you're dumb as bricks when it comes to common sense. Obviously being who I am and my DNA, I would be heated a little. I've grown up a lot since I was in my 20's. I moved to back to Syracuse to form a relationship with my biological family. It obviously didn't work because I'm the black sheep and it's okay even if it hurts my biological dad. I don't know if they all the abuse and who he was before he was their father. Now he's a 180% different man and they are lucky. I didn't get that opportunity that they were privileged with. God's power has the ability to change even the most wicked men. I'm thankful for God's grace because many instances I'd be dead. He poured out his grace and mer...