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Showing posts with the label Grief

Reflections on My Mom 3 years Later

  As I wake up with tear-stained cheeks I am grateful that my Mom is in heaven. She's not suffering anymore, she's not enduring this pandemic, and she's surrounded by family. She struggled with her health through the years that I was growing up. I remember when she passed out in the kitchen and Reedy Creek Park. She developed diabetes from Pretisone and she had fibromyalgia. When she was in the hospital she had been misdiagnosed for an infection that ended spreading. it affected her mind as well. She was on and off the ventilator, and at one point she was making a turn for the better. She always asked Dad when can she go home but that was not the plan to be had. She became addicted to the pain meds in the hospital. The doctors were doing procedures behind my dad's back then the nurses would tell him. I visited when she had been placed into the hospital and she didn't look at all like my mom. I didn't even talk when I was in the room. I was in great shock but I w...

The Year That Was 2019

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ―  Laurell K. Hamilton,  Mistral's Kiss I'm writing this because if I don't get to tell my story, the story is over! I feel suicidal, fear,  anger, humiliation, and I don't know who I am. I am not this guy, I'm not a coward and I won't back down in the face of hard times.  You do know time just doesn't start in one place for humanity. This starts in 2017 when I won my disability court case and I was told don't talk about the earnings. I'm a certifiable dumb ass kinda. I didn't directly say how much I won but I said I had won the case to some "friends". The person capitalized on it and wrecked my world. Will justice be served? I don't know, I didn't press charges because he was supposed to be my friend. I wrote a bit about the guy that stole my money in good faith to pay me back. I helped him way more than I could help m...

Evolution of Humanity

The evolution of humanity is not the evolution of the species of man but the inside of man that is important in 2019. We will examine the definition of humanity no. 2:  humaneness; benevolence. I wanted to write about humanity no. 2 from the dictionary because I have experienced an outpouring of love since Feb 2018 when my Mom went into the hospital, she passed away and the love people share with me after. "One should never direct people towards happiness because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to." ~  ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN Am I happy? I would like to say that I am unsure as of 12:30 am. Do I love myself? I would like to think I do. I look back at Facebook memories and see the outpouring of love from my community that has taken me in and put me in the fol...