My life in Quotes

I've realized by me wanting to be a father and a husband that I need to let go of the past. "Let go of the past, but keep the lessons it taught you. "–Chiara Gizzi – Something that the past cannot give me is love, especially since my memories revolve around pain and suffering. There are so many positive events with people that love me or loved me. Sometimes you just need to let go. I've been working so hard to let go of the hurt that was inflicted by people whom I thought loved me. I'm making one more declaration. I will let go of past romantic relationships for good or bad. "The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." -Steve Maraboli I have to let go of anyone I've ever given my heart to romantically. It's hard to let go of the pain and pleasure that was a part of those relationships. None of them from the past can give me...

 I walked through a doorway every day where there was evil and adorned through the house were skulls, the air was thick with evil and it was heavy with pain. That is the feeling I felt for almost a year of living with my former friend Nicole. She carried a heavy burden that I've never told and won't tell for it's not my business to tell her pain. We stopped being friends during the time that I lived with her. She made it very clear that when I lost my job paying rent was the most important thing to her and not how I felt. She constantly told me it's just business and I felt like a tenant that was torn between a shitty friend and a shitty landlord. She was so condescending towards me from day one where she was worried about all of her stuff that might get damaged from me moving in. I had to pay for the cover for the guest bed that was to be put in the garage because I wanted to sleep on my own bed. She was so concerned that I would ruin the garbage disposal that she flew...

When I was very young, after I came back to the Harkes, I would hit and pinch my Mom. I can imagine it being rough on her having a little boy that doesn't understand his pain and how to even express it properly. Dad said that she prayed ceaselessly for me to have peace inside. I have had a whole life of internal strife and sleepless nights of emotional pain. Mom was there for me through a lot of it.  It's weird having Mom gone. It's when they moved to Florida that our relationship flourished. I always found it odd and annoying at times when Mom left 3 min voicemails but I miss that now. I wish I had a recording of her voice telling me that she loves me. I have, I believe every card that Mom had sent to me from 2013 until she couldn't send out cards anymore. I have birthday cards, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, just because she was thinking about me, and handwritten letters. She really loved me and wanted me to know that I wasn't alone in this world. She rea...

My mindful prayer for the weary soul I love my bed where I lay my head. I give my thoughts to you instead. I love my siblings near and far. I love you Lord who protects my thoughts. I love my parents who taught me to pray We pray at night and when we wake. I thank you for protection over my Mind, body, and soul. Now I lay my mind to rest I pray to you for peace and to cover the rest. Amen

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ―  Laurell K. Hamilton,  Mistral's Kiss I'm writing this because if I don't get to tell my story, the story is over! I feel suicidal, fear,  anger, humiliation, and I don't know who I am. I am not this guy, I'm not a coward and I won't back down in the face of hard times.  You do know time just doesn't start in one place for humanity. This starts in 2017 when I won my disability court case and I was told don't talk about the earnings. I'm a certifiable dumb ass kinda. I didn't directly say how much I won but I said I had won the case to some "friends". The person capitalized on it and wrecked my world. Will justice be served? I don't know, I didn't press charges because he was supposed to be my friend. I wrote a bit about the guy that stole my money in good faith to pay me back. I helped him way more than I could help m...