Skip to main content

A Christmas story, Dec 10, 2015.

I tried I really did, please tell Mae, the barn... when it burned down and all they found was a jar of Mae's world famous applesauce sitting on a stump, I burned down the barn. It was the others, All trying to get me into their reindeer games. I was trying to hide and contemplate. I found a half eaten jar of Mae's applesauce, a lighter and a spoon. I really wanted to get into that jar of applesauce. It's the kind with the chunks.
Now you say where does Mrs. Clause get apples from all the way up in the North Pole? Well from all you prick parents who don't leave Santa his penance of cookies. Oh you'll owe him twice the amount if you want to keep little Johnny or little Susie off the naughty list.
So I tried to get into the jar, some how I just tried to channel my inner Mcgiever, Well all in all I burnt down the barn. Hooves weren't meant for spoons or lighters because I tried to light the lid and it hit the ground. It was a Zippo lighter so It stayed lit till the ground and light the floor on fire... the elves had taken all the fire extinguishers to be checked for compliance, go figure. Santa has been getting ideas from all these dumb Tim Allen movies. Rockets and steroids for reindeer do not go together!!! Vixen... Let's just say she's more like Jacko now burnt tail and all. Our plastic Surgeon couldn't help her. He didn't take Santa's HMO...
Moral of the story: reindeers are horrible story tellers!
#MerryChristmas

Popular posts from this blog

Spirit filled vs religious vs spiritual

What is the difference between being religious, spiritual and spirit filled? Webster's dictionary says that being religious  is "relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity". Webster's dictionary says that being spiritual is "of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit or  concerned with religious values". According to the Collins English dictionary being spirit filled or the charismatic movement is this, " Christianity  any of various groups, within existing denominations, that emphasize communal prayer and the charismatic gifts of speaking in tongues, healing, etc". Here's my take on this, Jay Z said on  Watch the Throne, "You ain't gotta go to church to get to know yo' God" raps on the song Threat that he's killing people but it's a valid statement. I loved church, I guess but when life experiences change us as an young adult as in my bipolar manifestin...

The Lil' Pisser That Grew Two Stories

"I absolutely love how dumbed down society has become complaining about fairytales and comic book characters... The Brothers Grim wrote gruesome stories to scare children into doing good not feel all warm and fuzzy, that's the parents damn job... When I get a puppy I don't read him stories about Clifford the Big Red Dog to inspire him to grow up to be the size of a two story house. No I teach that stupid lil pisser that it's wrong to pee in the house then I give it chocolate after, so it knows it did a good job peeing on the pee pad on the patio... I'm just saying, I have some really great friends who are great parents, I hope... and I know some of you really do an amazing job. I'm just going to go out on a limb, because I don't work for them but... Disney messed this up for everyone..." I wrote this on Facebook... Because a friend's notification came to me after I got a little bit sassy from watching a comedy special... And boom! In the adv...

Letter of Pain to CATS

To CATS, I'd like to tell you a few things. I get up very early like many other people to ride this transit system. Today, not being the first day, on route 27 I was passed. I'm sure the bus was full but I wasn't even acknowledged and I was looking right at the bus. Luckily I was waiting for a while because the buses are so inconsistent.  Also the bus the goes outbound for the 27 has been moved to detour. For a few times last month I was passed and had to walk home. I was even passed at night time and had to walk home at 11 pm. As it were, I didn't have time on a Sunday to wait 45 minutes to an hour. Luckily that is my short trip from the Metropolitan to Briar creek, I can't imagine how much more frustrated people who live at the end feel. Oh and I even took the 15 once to get off near Laurel and but through Elizabeth but ended up getting lost because the 27 bus passed me. I was so irate that day.  I feel my route is the most inconsistent route, I get out there e...