My Heroine

“You just stood up to your mother.... I should think now you could take on the world.”
― Elizabeth Strout, Abide with Me

My Mother is one of the most loving, caring, sociable and stubborn women I know. We've been round in circles about nonsense and everything that is important for my future. 

Feb 20th, 2018, I fly down to Tampa to see my parents. My father's birthday is this day and it's a very somber birthday. My mom is in a coma in Zephyrhills Regional. The doctors had to induce her to save her life. She had to have 8 surgeries or series of debridement. It was the saddest thing I had seen in my family since the passing of my little brother Jasper. She was all hooked up with tubes and wires, it was so sad.

Now she's been through a lot in life and I can say as a son I've put her through a lot. I was the youngest for a very long time. I love my mom and I didn't show it 100% of the time. I'm pretty sure no one else reading this has been a perfect child at anyone point in time.

She's been moved to Tampa general after 8 series of debridement and has been taken out of the coma. Things I thought were never possible had happened. The doctors ordered procedures that were said to come later and did them early but lied about doing them. The ICU ran out of phetuenal and she, being a renal patient, can't  have morphine. So they decided to put her on a medicated pain patch. What in the hell is that supposed to do for an open wound patient. Well thank the Lord for the great nurses that took care of my mother and my dad being a hard ass that was very vigilant. 

I think I've brought joy and pain to my mother, just like any other son. She's amazing she's endured it all. I have memories of standing in the kitchen having arguments at the top of our lungs and her cursing me out. I think most of it was they wanted to take over my life, in a good way but I just needed to move out and be on my own. I'm horrible with money and I just spend it or give it away. I think I get that from my mom too. She loves to spend with out consequence. So dad had two under his roof that just blew money. I see now how it stressed him out. Mom is allowed to stress dad out, the whole for better or worse scenario is how that works. Hahaha! I have the love of giving of my time and money from my mom, even though sometimes it's not all my money.

She loved to entertain, I got gleamed that from her as well. I just threw my first charity event for St. Jude's and it raised $4,300 for a few families there. I was so distraught during the planning because it was I who was praying for my mom to heal and be safe from this torment she was in and not the other way around. I know it was very selfish but mom's are supposed to be our biggest cheerleaders and I missed mine. I wasn't able to get advice or hear the "I love you" from over the phone. I had to go it with one less parent. Dad was actually getting better at conversation but sucked at advice. In fact, I never go to dad with social advice. It's not in his wheelhouse. Mom is the greatest at this.

So now mom is in a Kindred facility in south Tampa had been moved after the event or right when the event was happening. I called her on her birthday and that was May 7th. It was the saddest phone call ever, for a birthday call. She said my children have let me down and aren't here when I need them but both Brian and myself have visited her and dad. Dad said don't take it personal. So it has been said that a parent lives for the child to supersede them. Well now I've had three 5 min convos with Mom. I am ever so more hopeful than I have ever for my mom's recovery. Will she be the same... no but she'll still be my mom that I love dearly.

Oh gosh, this is gonna sound bad, one of my therapists, there I said it, said is your mom your best friend? I said with an emphatic no! Why, because mom's are everything they are required to be and if she was my friend then she wouldn't be my mom. Parents are care givers and authoritarians not friends and then I rambled. Well I love my mom and this entry could be so much longer but I'll end it here. If you are reading this and have prayed and are praying for my mom, thank you from the bottom of my heart.