Skip to main content

The Existenstial Ant

The dictionary defines existential as an ADJECTIVE

Relating to existence - concerned with existence, especially human existence as viewed in the theories of existentialism 

LOGIC - (of a proposition) affirming or implying the existence of a thing.

In 20219, I decided to go back to school/college to become a teacher. Out in the left field, a truck hits us with Covid, the worst thing to happen in my lifetime. As a whole, 9/11 and this are pretty terrible things. Back to me. I have been a worker ant, pretty much my entire adult life. I've taken on grunt jobs that don't pay much and when I take on something people don't understand that I don't fit in their box for me they get confuddled. This is where my existential problem comes into being.  Why am I here if I can't make my 2/6 year associate degree work for me. What's my calling? Is it to just be a barback and never make it to bartender or manager(side joke, I made it to a manager at a restaurant here in Charlotte)? Am I just supposed to work retail or multiple jobs? Some people take chances on me and I succeed in their expectations or they get butt hurt that I don't want to work for them anymore. The service industry is really fickle and at the time I didn't have really good tact, things go both ways.

In 2019, I was working for a couple of companies and I finally got hired by Potterybarn to be a Visual Merchandiser. The one thing I wanted my entire career after graduating from CPCC in 2012. It wasn't happening at Belk for me and it wasn't going to happen at Pier 1 Imports, side note, they closed. I've worked in a lot of retail companies. I decided that this life wasn't for me after covid stripped Pottery Barn away from me. I decided that at one time I wanted to be a teacher and teaching is a strong profession in my family. When I was in high school I was a teaching assistant and I helped with the second-grade and 7th-grade PE classes. At one time, I had a little brother who had cerebral palsy. He passed away at the young age of 13 in 2007. His teachers impacted my life whether I knew it or not at the time. They were tough but really cared about him. I really love kids. They're fun to coach, teach, and play with. I love playing with my friends' kids and they love me. Is this my calling? I hope so.

In 2019, I went back to CPCC and inquired about taking classes in the new year. I took 3 classes and did all the footwork to get my Associate's in Transfer for access to UNC Charlotte. I took on UNC Charlotte for the third time and I intend to win this time. I signed up for Special Education Teaching. I have enjoyed it so far to this date. I have substituted for CMS here in Charlotte, it was the smart thing to do. I have found that it's been beneficial to meet different principals and see different schools. I've tutored kids and helped them improve their academic studies.  I've made really special bonds with classmates and professors. This winter I signed my bonus contract that states I intend to teach at CMS in the Exceptional Children's dept. Now I'm faced with another problem that looms over me before graduation. I am thinking about taking up residency before the semester is over and I would be remiss if I didn't take up the district on getting paid to teach early. I'm not an indecisive person all the time. I've actually gotten better at making in-the-moment important choices.

I found this quote to round out this entry, "Are you broken? Good. Now fall apart completely. You will realize that what has fallen apart is not you. It's just a thin external coating that hides your pure, eternal, and ever-shining being.”
― Shunya

I picked this quote because I cling to the past and it was huge for me to move beyond all the hurt and the feeling that I was being held back. When in reality, I wasn't ready to be my shining being. I've found my calling it's to teach, no matter how emotionally hard it is, not every day will be like that because there will be many beautiful successful days with the kids.

Popular posts from this blog

The Only Time Consitancy Sucks

  I'm constantly reminded every morning that I have a disease. I take a few little pills that make life relatively easier. Today isn't one of those days. I'm super frustrated, sad, and have a crazy headache. It's not that I enjoy talking about the reality of what goes on in my brain, this is new the talking about it, within the past couple of years. It's like tons of information got held back and for a while, I just talked and talked. I've gone through a lot and I'm really proud of myself for working hard and getting back into school last spring. I'm proud of how hard I work at simple life tasks that people take for granted. I'm proud of how hard I work just at a job and what I hope is seen by employers as my integrity. I'm really proud of being able to coach kids in flag football and how much I really enjoy it. Life is much better than it was even 2 years ago to a year ago. I keep moving forward and marching towards a brighter future. A lot of ...

To Whom the Bell Tolls

 Hi, my name is Joshua Harke and I’m from Syracuse, NY. I’ve lived in Charlotte since I was 13 years old. In the summer of 1994, we moved to Charlotte, NC. It was a huge culture shock and life change for a new teenager. I went to a few different schools here; I went to Randolph Middle School for 7 th grade and I was bullied there so my parents moved me the next school year to Bible Baptist Christian Academy in Matthews. I liked it there and played soccer in middle school. I also attended church there with my family. I transferred schools after my junior year to United Faith Christian Academy. I loved it there and grew into a great high school athlete. I played in the praise band and played soccer, baseball was even the mascot, and outside of school, I played ice hockey on a local team and for the Junior, Checkers travel team. I made Who’s Who Among Highschool Americans my senior year. I also couldn’t decide what I wanted to be as an adult and that’s fine. I had an internship in a ...

Education Inequalities Based on Class, Gender, and Race/Ethnicity

 This is a discussion that I posted in my Sociology of Education class here at UNCC and the dialogue following. 1. I think that today in the climate of education being a minority can have its advantages for education. I feel that being a mixed male special education teaching student might afford me a better chance to obtain job placement when I graduate and being that there are fewer males in elementary teaching roles now. That's my intersectionality. I believe that the demand for minority teachers is good for me but they shouldn't place a male in a teaching role if they're not qualified same as a woman, it just so happens that it's a role that is needed to be filled in society. 2. Attention should most certainly be given to economic segregation. It should be addressed but as the problem that whites have been afforded a head start in the game. It's like a video I just watched in Child Psych. If we as a society could get over living in white-walled neighborhoods wher...