Skip to main content

Rising Up Through the Pieces of a Shattered Dream!

This is my first Linkedin publication. Thank you for taking the time out to read this:
I'm an aspiring return to college hopeful but I've had a rough life financially due to my big heart. It's gotten in the way. I've given up so much for friends and strangers that I've ruined my credit and live paycheck to paycheck. I've helped so many people in my short adult life that I'm scared to ask for help. I want to make a difference in this world and not become just a statistic.
My name is Joshua and I have bipolar 1, PTSD and severe anxiety. I was born with bipolar and it manifested at 19 years old while I was at UNCC as a freshman. I was adopted at 10 years old by an amazing family that has been very helpful. My mom was a director of a preschool in Upstate NY, called Little Lamb, inside of North Syracuse Baptist Church. She was an inspiration in my heart to love all children. My dad worked for the Banks as a systems mainframe data programmer, here in Charlotte before he retired to Tampa and did his best to help me when I didn't know what I even know where I was supposed to go in a career direction.
I have had little direction on my quest for higher knowledge, although I've spent what feels like most of my life in school. I currently have an associate's degree in Marketing Retail. I can't use it for a career and it's become self-evident that it's worthless to me. Before I got it, I decided hey, I like sports and I'm fit, I could be an athletic trainer, that didn't work out and I ended up with student debt and no degree from UNCC, my second time around there because of ending up with two pink eye episodes, mono, a sternoclavicular injury from kickboxing and the flu. Now I've decided to follow in my Mom's footsteps and where my heart was in high school and pursue teaching. I would like to go to UNCC for Special Education but I can't even afford my last two classes at CPCC the local community college because I've exhausted the grant that I used for the AAS Marketing Retail, I had earned. I have 5 credit hours left and I have a golden ticket into Junior year at UNCC or any state school in NC.
I've worked in retail with my AAS but I can't turn it into a career, I'm highly creative and intelligent. I've been stuck in the service industry working paycheck to paycheck now and I feel trapped. I've even tried to break into event coordinator marketing that the field is so saturated and sexist that I can't break-in. I've worked many jobs and just like other Americans two or three at one time to pay bills and still come out Monday with nothing after payday. 
I'm the worst at asking for help but I need help. I have a skeleton of a charity organization that I started based on my love for special needs children and a matter of fact all children. It's a party with a purpose organization aimed to fund organizations that work with special needs and at-risk youth. So I know my heart is in the right place this time. I just want to make a difference.
Any advice, the direction would be greatly appreciated.

Popular posts from this blog

Music my lover!

I love music and it was used to hurt me. Music is my friend, I've always looked to it for motivation, ways to open my heart to new ideas and heal the pain. Music is my lover, my mother that draws me into the eternal planes of her bosom. I've never broken up with someone with music but it happened to me. While I am hurt by it, Music can never be ripped from my soul. I'll say it Music, you betrayed me, I share you with so many and you walk away from me. You say, Joshua, are you okay? I'll never leave music, my soul is clothed and tied to my heart that beats like a steel drum on Kingston's streets. It's fuel, she's a fire that allows me to be creative. Just as I paint my soul onto a canvas, I pour my heart out in words... words that can inspire love or evoke hate. I've never wanted to make anyone hate anyone or me for that matter. Love is what I have to give to the world, it comes out through all the pain or self inflicted torture. I won't walk away ...

Letter of Pain to CATS

To CATS, I'd like to tell you a few things. I get up very early like many other people to ride this transit system. Today, not being the first day, on route 27 I was passed. I'm sure the bus was full but I wasn't even acknowledged and I was looking right at the bus. Luckily I was waiting for a while because the buses are so inconsistent.  Also the bus the goes outbound for the 27 has been moved to detour. For a few times last month I was passed and had to walk home. I was even passed at night time and had to walk home at 11 pm. As it were, I didn't have time on a Sunday to wait 45 minutes to an hour. Luckily that is my short trip from the Metropolitan to Briar creek, I can't imagine how much more frustrated people who live at the end feel. Oh and I even took the 15 once to get off near Laurel and but through Elizabeth but ended up getting lost because the 27 bus passed me. I was so irate that day.  I feel my route is the most inconsistent route, I get out there e...

Forgiveness for a lifetime and beyond!

"Forgiveness is that subtle thread that binds both love and friendship. Without forgiveness, you may not even have a child one day." - George Foreman I've seen what love at first sight is and love at first click. I'm going to say that I will never pick love at first sight. Love is a hard thing to grasp and a hard place to be. It takes work and time to nurture. I've had infatuation and lust relationships too. I've been used for emotional and a rebound needs. I have a big heart and I forgive easily. I was chasing this amazing woman who didn't know how to love again nor did she want to. We clicked that night and into the morning having deep conversations. I knew I wanted to be with her regardless of her situation which probably wasn't the best idea ever but there were a few times she would push me a way till she let me inside her walls. It takes a big heart to forgive a lot of pain. I wasn't ready to give up hope on her. Now we are at crossroads an...