Skip to main content

How Do I Move On?

I've realized by me wanting to be a father and a husband that I need to let go of the past.

"Let go of the past, but keep the lessons it taught you. "–Chiara Gizzi –

Something that the past cannot give me is love, especially since my memories revolve around pain and suffering. There are so many positive events with people that love me or loved me. Sometimes you just need to let go. I've been working so hard to let go of the hurt that was inflicted by people whom I thought loved me. I'm making one more declaration. I will let go of past romantic relationships for good or bad.

"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." -Steve Maraboli

I have to let go of anyone I've ever given my heart to romantically. It's hard to let go of the pain and pleasure that was a part of those relationships.

None of them from the past can give me what I want and crave. So I forgive myself for chasing relationships that lead to pain. I feel that I have learned something from each of them. I need to stick to how my heart wants to be loved and that no compromise. I have a mental illness that has been thrown in my face that I've strived to thrive through it. I deserve to be loved the way I need. If I can't be accepted for the facts then I have to let go. I have to let go of the hurt I've inflicted on others that I've been romantically involved with. I know that I am an imperfect man but I try, I give my all if I can.  I don't communicate the best and have led some on and I pray that they can let go of our relationship.

Lately, in these past relationships over the past couple of years, I've searched towards the end of the relationship for someone to fill the void not being met. This being said that I've not cheated it happened in the part where I pulled away and broke up but remained in each other's lives and were off and on. I feel like my heart didn't belong to them anymore. I didn't want to settle for unacceptance. So in therapy, I'll be working on releasing these relationships.

I never wanted to hurt anyone, not even myself but real love isn't selfish and it's not lust. I genuinely have cared and care about people who have given their hearts to me.

So how do I let go? Stay tuned.

Popular posts from this blog

The Only Time Consitancy Sucks

  I'm constantly reminded every morning that I have a disease. I take a few little pills that make life relatively easier. Today isn't one of those days. I'm super frustrated, sad, and have a crazy headache. It's not that I enjoy talking about the reality of what goes on in my brain, this is new the talking about it, within the past couple of years. It's like tons of information got held back and for a while, I just talked and talked. I've gone through a lot and I'm really proud of myself for working hard and getting back into school last spring. I'm proud of how hard I work at simple life tasks that people take for granted. I'm proud of how hard I work just at a job and what I hope is seen by employers as my integrity. I'm really proud of being able to coach kids in flag football and how much I really enjoy it. Life is much better than it was even 2 years ago to a year ago. I keep moving forward and marching towards a brighter future. A lot of ...

Where We Stand

  High on a scaffold, strapped with a harness and a torch. My shoulder slouches as I light the torch. The torch pops and hisses as it lights. I’m tired, I wake up and think this is a bad dream. To leave all I knew behind to be bound and oppressed. To be broken by the system I was entrusted to. The arc burns blue, as I weld the piping across the concourse. No one cares about us, as it grows more evident. No one knows the pain, I’m in as I pass out from the pain at the end of my day. Not even my partner, I hide my feelings till, I’m about to break. It’s a way of life up here in ole Boston. The struggle is to hold my eyes open and stay awake. No one knows that I’m broken inside. No one knows that my hurt runs deeper than my shoulder. In this place there’s no room for me, it’s a gig for the boys. This isn’t my swan song or a happy jig. I’d rather take a swig, Walk away from it all and be at peace again. This road is hard and is made unbearable by the...

To Whom the Bell Tolls

 Hi, my name is Joshua Harke and I’m from Syracuse, NY. I’ve lived in Charlotte since I was 13 years old. In the summer of 1994, we moved to Charlotte, NC. It was a huge culture shock and life change for a new teenager. I went to a few different schools here; I went to Randolph Middle School for 7 th grade and I was bullied there so my parents moved me the next school year to Bible Baptist Christian Academy in Matthews. I liked it there and played soccer in middle school. I also attended church there with my family. I transferred schools after my junior year to United Faith Christian Academy. I loved it there and grew into a great high school athlete. I played in the praise band and played soccer, baseball was even the mascot, and outside of school, I played ice hockey on a local team and for the Junior, Checkers travel team. I made Who’s Who Among Highschool Americans my senior year. I also couldn’t decide what I wanted to be as an adult and that’s fine. I had an internship in a ...