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How Do I Move On?

I've realized by me wanting to be a father and a husband that I need to let go of the past.

"Let go of the past, but keep the lessons it taught you. "–Chiara Gizzi –

Something that the past cannot give me is love, especially since my memories revolve around pain and suffering. There are so many positive events with people that love me or loved me. Sometimes you just need to let go. I've been working so hard to let go of the hurt that was inflicted by people whom I thought loved me. I'm making one more declaration. I will let go of past romantic relationships for good or bad.

"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." -Steve Maraboli

I have to let go of anyone I've ever given my heart to romantically. It's hard to let go of the pain and pleasure that was a part of those relationships.

None of them from the past can give me what I want and crave. So I forgive myself for chasing relationships that lead to pain. I feel that I have learned something from each of them. I need to stick to how my heart wants to be loved and that no compromise. I have a mental illness that has been thrown in my face that I've strived to thrive through it. I deserve to be loved the way I need. If I can't be accepted for the facts then I have to let go. I have to let go of the hurt I've inflicted on others that I've been romantically involved with. I know that I am an imperfect man but I try, I give my all if I can.  I don't communicate the best and have led some on and I pray that they can let go of our relationship.

Lately, in these past relationships over the past couple of years, I've searched towards the end of the relationship for someone to fill the void not being met. This being said that I've not cheated it happened in the part where I pulled away and broke up but remained in each other's lives and were off and on. I feel like my heart didn't belong to them anymore. I didn't want to settle for unacceptance. So in therapy, I'll be working on releasing these relationships.

I never wanted to hurt anyone, not even myself but real love isn't selfish and it's not lust. I genuinely have cared and care about people who have given their hearts to me.

So how do I let go? Stay tuned.

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