"I don't like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them."
February 5th - 4 months have gone by in a blink of an eye where I have done so much harm and learned so much about myself and this amazing, beautiful and tortured soul that I love.
I'm not saying I'm sticking by anyone to just stick by them. I feel I have one of the biggest hearts of this generation and I love and hurt easily but this is a different situation. While she suffers I am not able to be her Joshua Rock while she's in emotional pain and stress and I feel many things but not everything overrides my own anxiety.
I've been apart of keeping hope live for myself with many friendships and this is the first Love that I've struggled with. She's my ideal Love, no matter the fight my head and heart have I want to keep hope alive and stand by her.
I've only given up on one friend, I loved as much as a brother. He betrayed me and used me to the deepest core and left me in the middle of the night, leaving a mess and an apology note. The woman i thought I loved was using me and decided that she no longer wanted this band aid that she needed to remove. This woman said he was a partied to reasons for her doubting I'd amount to much because he was a running coward who couldn't stand for anything.
I obsess about not losing those closest to me to the point I will apologize when I'm not even 100% in the wrong.
January 2017 came in with a bang and full of collapsing relationships. Friends were fighting with me while I was trying to hold on to a frail relationship and my family had many questions that made me have questions that I believed I had answers to.
Now I stand where I stand, with no one. No matter how I stand with anyone, will anyone vow to stand with me.
So this is what I have, hope. I have hope for true love to conquer all evil one day and friendships of true friends to last for a life time. -One Love