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What I wanted! Do I still want it!

"I want three things in life; Love, Liberty and Death. Love 'cause I have this belief that she is out there for me, Liberty because no matter if we hate this government I am still free and Death 'cause my legacy will one day be great and I wont need this world."

When I was 22 years old, I would joke about retiring at 25 years of age while working as a key holder in an ice cream store. I also believed in love but didn't know what it really was and I often said I wanted to die before I was old and wrinkly. I've also have O.D. once and that was my wake up call sometime around '09 to '11, it's hazy the time line. I've pretty much blocked it out just that it happened is all that matters and that it wont ever again.

So I've fallen in love with this amazing woman who is so much like me yet so different but in good ways. I don't ever want the connection we share with anyone ever again, it seriously scares me sometimes. For example she felt my anxiety one night at work, it was so intense it scared her and I naturally felt so horrible for putting it on her. So I believe that I've found her, the love of my life, while separated at this moment, I have hope that we will be back together someday.

Liberty, I love my freedom this country grants us. It's going through some rough patches at the moment but I'd rather be free to vote, have free speech and carry a gun to protect myself if I so choose. There's other things that we take for granted but we are still a nation of free peoples.

Do I welcome Death? When God deems it my time, I will go. Do I want to die before I build a legacy, no. I want to have a son or a daughter and place them in the arms of my mom before she dies.
If that happens it would be great but if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

To tie these thoughts together,  I joked often or was very serious about becoming a monk if I kept getting hurt romantically because I want more than anything to share my heart and soul with her, the one I'm supposed to be with for an eternity. Do I want to die before that happens, I do not. I do not want to attempt to take my life ever again, it was the scariest and most surreal moment in my life to wake up a day later still alive. I have so much to live for and offer to her, my community, family and God.

Things that keep me going daily, love - my heart song - I wake up with a song in my heart each morning, it's amazing. Also having so much music at my fingertips helps me go on through the day and escape my own menagerie that is my mind. Knowing I can pray at anytime and anywhere to a living breathing God for things that help protect others and grant peace is an amazing sensation.

I love life, it may not be perfect but it's mine.
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