My life in Quotes

Kat said, how can you love someone who abused you? I have been shown endless mercy and grace that I have a heart big enough to show someone who as well doesn't deserve it from me. You may be a believer or a skeptic. You may be a cynic but I chose to believe. I've seen a man changed from Saul the Christian killer to Paul the follower of Christ. I've faltered my faith but it always goes back to one promise. That one promise is Jesus saves. God's grace suffices to change the wickedest of hearts and make them as soft as innocent as a child's. "In the New Testament grace means God's love in action towards men who merited the opposite of love. Grace means God moving heaven and earth to save sinners who could not lift a finger to save themselves." ~ J. I. Packer We'll cover God's grace down the road. I would have died if it wasn't for the infallible hand of God. Why me? Why me, why was I saved from abortion and made the property of a wicke

Not too long ago I had a conversation with my friend, Professor Robinson of CPCC, in light of the UNCC shooting on their campus. We talked about how students today are afraid to fail and can't handle negative grades or comments. I even get defensive about too harsh criticism but I've failed many times, before. I don't like being told things I already know like I'm in some grand delusion.  Tangent concluded. We spoke on a student that came to him and said, I can't fail, well he was given an option to withdraw from the class and take a W. I've taken a W, it sets you back but keeps your GPA intact. I guess he was in such a hurry to get out he forgot to not party and study. Students are so sensitive now that we have to coddle their personalities because growing up they all got participation trophies from the gaming boards and parents accepted it as okay. "Game theory is a theory of social interaction, which attempts to explain the interaction people ha

Joshua: "How's work?" Erin: "Can't complain. Running my team today. I get nervous. Learning curve" Joshua: "Oh... Hun, you got this!" “Inevitably we find ourselves tackling too many things at the same time, spreading our focus so thin that nothing gets the attention it deserves. This is commonly referred to as "being busy." Being busy, however, is not the same thing as being productive.” ― Ryder Carroll, The Bullet Journal Method: Track the Past, Order the Present, Design the Future   Joshua: "I'm looking up quotes about multitasking but everyone seems to have issues with it. So my advice is to just focus on the task at hand and move on to the next." "If they need something and you need something as far as learning, just ask questions." Erin: On her iPhone, loves the quote. In my head slacker... hahaha! Just kidding. Erin: "I love your advice. Now that's legit boss guidance, thanks."

There are 28k members in this group, somethings go passed over. A lot of us are struggling in life. I tend to hide my struggle but if you need some help there are many of us out there willing to listen and give advice. For me I know that this group has to be taken with a grain of salt because we all have so many issues just seeping out. Some really need help and some just need attention, which neither are bad things. I can even relate to a lady in the group who was saying she wanted to leave the group. 28k people with individual problems and similar diseases is overwhelming. Just be patient and don't rely on the group for everything, see your therapist and your doctor regularly if you can. Also I've said it before on deaf ears I feel like, do the next step, "don't feel like getting up, rub your eyes, stretch, get up in your own time, if you don't have plans. Take a shower, something I see we struggle with." Then start your day. Depression is real, anxiety i

OMGRRRD! I never would have thought to make a blog in a million years, so to say. I was diagnosed with bipolar, PTSD, ADHD and schizoaffective disorders. I believe because I was drinking and having an erratic sleep schedule on bipolar meds caused my Dr at the time to diagnose me with schizoaffective disorder. In the last week or so I was declassified as being schizoaffective!! Can I tell you how huge this is, I feel like I wasn't and that it was a misdiagnosis. I have been on such a great path for conquering stigma and living my best life possible. I love quotes, they help spark my creativity and this one is from a favorite book: “When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to sur

The Rock A man walked down a winding road, Clutched in his hand a smooth rock. He thought about his day and said nothing. He was covered in ashes and so was his rock. His rock was from the room in his daughter’s room. It was her pet rock. He was alone in Pompeii or so he thought. The volcano it spewed and he ran to the sea. He ran to escape his life. The volcano took it all away. His friends and family all a memory. He sat down on the pier and slid into the water. Wading a path to the nearest boat. Still clutching that smooth rock. What man runs from history. No man can escape history, Unless they chose to never be remembered. He left a world behind that was remembered. He will not. We only know from the great historians. We only know from the excavations. You know, Time will tell if we run or we fall. Will we be remembered at all. I wrote this for myself. It was an ode to my love of history and how I have overcome so much in my life.

Bipolar robs you of that which is you. It can take from you the very core of your being and replace it with something that is completely opposite of who and what you truly are. Because my bipolar went untreated for so long, I spent many years looking in the mirror and seeing a person I did not recognize or understand. Not only did bipolar rob me of my sanity, but it robbed me of my ability to see beyond the space it dictated me to look. I no longer could tell reality from fa ntasy, and I walked in a world no longer my own.” ― Alyssa Reyans, Letters from a Bipolar Mother I feel for me this is partially true, I lost my identity which in reality didn't matter. Being diagnosed at 19 years old with bipolar, teens and young adults, many don't know who they are any more or are searching for themselves. I didn't start realizing who I was still about 23 years old and started going back to school. I feel like sometimes we are a bit dramatic which is the gift and curse from having

There is a time in our lives that we walk through the desert alone. Here is my story about how I crossed the line in the sand.  "I'm sure that I am enjoying my sobriety. And respect it. If you've been through what I've been through, then you really do treasure it." - Peter Frampton I'll revisit this quote and you'll see how I crossed the line into sobriety in the end.  All my teenage life up till college, I was told to not drink. Not because it was evil. Because my parents knew my chemical make up was different and I was going through changes. At 19 my bipolar 1 manifested at UNCC. It was insane and it was like I was far away from my family but I wasn't. I saw them on most weekends and they brought me home or took me out to eat. I don't remember my first college drink. I can rewind and tell you, yes I drank in high school but it was only in my senior year. Back to college... My mom told me about alcoholism and how it affects families. She

The evolution of humanity is not the evolution of the species of man but the inside of man that is important in 2019. We will examine the definition of humanity no. 2:  humaneness; benevolence. I wanted to write about humanity no. 2 from the dictionary because I have experienced an outpouring of love since Feb 2018 when my Mom went into the hospital, she passed away and the love people share with me after. "One should never direct people towards happiness because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to." ~  ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN Am I happy? I would like to say that I am unsure as of 12:30 am. Do I love myself? I would like to think I do. I look back at Facebook memories and see the outpouring of love from my community that has taken me in and put me in the fol

There have been and will be days I find that I have been defeated but I believe there is a reason for everything. I've been praying for things and giving thanks to God. I don't want to go under because I believe God is enough. That's a hard truth to swallow. The truth, that if you believe in a higher power, that God is going to pull through for you. My mental illness doesn't define me. Does it make life difficult, yes but I'll push through like I have in the past. Some of this still is hard for me. I've been kicked so many times that I have given up and tried to end it. So if you want to give up just know that it's got nothing to do with being selfish but get help. Reach out to someone. There is a purpose for everything. Every philosophy on the earth says so but for me, God is enough. Why do I write this, because every day I struggle with living. I have an amazing girl that I want to be my girlfriend and my future wife. My family loves me and I have a j