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To My Bio Mother

"Hi, Deborah,

I'm Joshua Harke and I'm your biological son.
It's taken me a while to get to today. I have quite a lot of questions and I completely understand if you don't want to share but I would love to know. 
I don't know the whole story as to why I was given up for adoption but I was raised by the Harke's with love and I feel blessed to call them my family.
I would like to get the chance to know you and I will try to understand that if you should choose to not wish to speak to me I will respect that.

But whichever way you chose you should know somethings:
I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a published author and blogger. I love art and reading for fun. I went to a few schools in NC and I live here now. I love kids yet I have none. I have been told I'm special and that there's this light inside of me. I want to make a change in this world but sometimes I struggle. I'm planning on finishing my second Associate's degree and move on to Special Education Teaching at UNC Charlotte in the fall. If that doesn't happen I would love to study epigenetics and psychology, duel major. I love school and wish it was a profession to just learn. I have this huge heart for special needs kids and have a charity called The Jasper Tree, to help special needs families.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and God doesn't make mistakes. You gave me away and I thank you for that. I want to completely know who I am and if it matters. As well as in me, there's this urge to know you." ~ March 21st of 2020

I have been praying and sharing my prayer that she would be touched and moved to read and respond to my message to her.

A friend of mine said, God, answers prayers that need not things that are wanted but what if I want it and need it. The want has always been to know more about myself. I didn't think that both sides needed to heal. I learned that last night.

April 6, 2020: I see a notification from a familiar face on my Facebook Messenger and I see it is her, my biological mother. I was in disbelief and she said to me she was sorry for taking so long to get back to me. She said that she was in shock that I reached out to her and she proceeded to say that she has felt like a bad person all this time. I never thought she was a bad person because of what my parents told me that she was in a tough spot and that she had to give me up. I could be mad at her, I don't think I've ever expressed anger towards her. I probably should be angry at my biological parents. I'm pretty messed up but I think I'm a pretty good salvage by my parents. So, I proceed to tell her that she's not a bad person for giving me away and that I'm a good guy and that I have a big heart and I'm trying in life. I did tell her that I have bipolar and that I struggle a bit but at the end of the day I'm trying to create a brighter future. I also told her about how parents don't always make good parents the first go around and my older sister can attest to that. I just wanted to assure her that she didn't make the wrong choice in life. I told her that I did reach out years ago and I spoke with an ex-husband, haha, he was an ass, I said. She said I had no idea but yeah, he's a jerk. I said it took me a long time to rationalize around him saying that she'd never want to talk to me but I figured that she divorced him and he probably has no clue what she would want.

It turns out that I have a half-sister, she is newly married and that she lives in Florida. I'd like to find out more. My bio mom lives in Syracuse and has been a nurse in a nursing home for twenty-five years.

I'll leave you with a something my friend Kevin left me with "God gives you what you need not what you want" and I believe this is orchestrated to help all three of us. It's something beautiful.
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