“And what if---what are you if the people who are supposed to love you can leave you like you're nothing?”
― The Unwritten Rule
In the summer of 2013, I was alone. In April of 2013, I moved into a new place. I wasn't living with my family anymore. In reality, I was alone when my parents moved to Florida in May of 2013. How can I make such a statement? I can say this because when my parents left I struggled. I feel if it wouldn't have been so hard if my older brother had been there for me. He was planning his escape from Charlotte too. He was getting ready to move his family to Kentucky that summer. This is why I was alone. They lived in the Charlotte area but never gave me the time of day. I craved my family and I felt like I was a burden on them.
When I came to my foster family the Harke's in 1982, they tried to figure out what to call me. My parents wanted to name me Paul and Brian wanted to give me the name Joshua. He gave me a name he wanted to give his future son. That's a pretty awesome gift. So they named me Joshua Paul.
I struggle with telling the world how I feel. I was so hurt and I felt abandoned even though it was my choice to live in Charlotte, NC. I felt more hurt because my sibling chose to really have nothing to do with me. I asked them a lot if I could hang out with them. They could have gotten me on Sundays. It really hurt when they brought me groceries but I guess I should have been grateful for the charity. I asked nothing of the sorts. I actually hate any charity towards me. I value time above all other things. When my world is crumbling around me I just want to be held or surrounded so I can feel love.
We really haven't had much interaction with my big bro's family and I. He came through North Carolina a couple of years ago when the really bad hurricanes were ripping apart the east coast. The last time I was in the same location was when my Mother passed away in 2018. We came together in January 2019 in Tampa, Fl to mourn our Mom and the kids' Grandma. I miss my mom and I really wish I was closer to my brother and his family.
I have communication with them some and we have video chat but it's not the same. I even orchestrated the zoom meeting with Dad, them and myself. I feel bad that I was battling depression at family dinners, now. I'd be so detached from the family on holidays and I haven't spent a holiday in years with my family as a whole.
This isn't a happy story but as with many things I have hope that they want me to stick around.
My older Sis says that in marriage the guy often leaves behind his family. I wish it wasn't the case and I really want to be apart of their lives.
Family is the biggest thing to me because families are supposed to represent a bond of love.
I truly love my older bro's family and am grateful for my brother because of his sacrifice when my parents were trying to adopt me. I can honestly say I am forever indebted to my family because if they hadn't adopted me I don't know if I'd be alive or who I'd be today.
― The Unwritten Rule
In the summer of 2013, I was alone. In April of 2013, I moved into a new place. I wasn't living with my family anymore. In reality, I was alone when my parents moved to Florida in May of 2013. How can I make such a statement? I can say this because when my parents left I struggled. I feel if it wouldn't have been so hard if my older brother had been there for me. He was planning his escape from Charlotte too. He was getting ready to move his family to Kentucky that summer. This is why I was alone. They lived in the Charlotte area but never gave me the time of day. I craved my family and I felt like I was a burden on them.
When I came to my foster family the Harke's in 1982, they tried to figure out what to call me. My parents wanted to name me Paul and Brian wanted to give me the name Joshua. He gave me a name he wanted to give his future son. That's a pretty awesome gift. So they named me Joshua Paul.
I struggle with telling the world how I feel. I was so hurt and I felt abandoned even though it was my choice to live in Charlotte, NC. I felt more hurt because my sibling chose to really have nothing to do with me. I asked them a lot if I could hang out with them. They could have gotten me on Sundays. It really hurt when they brought me groceries but I guess I should have been grateful for the charity. I asked nothing of the sorts. I actually hate any charity towards me. I value time above all other things. When my world is crumbling around me I just want to be held or surrounded so I can feel love.
We really haven't had much interaction with my big bro's family and I. He came through North Carolina a couple of years ago when the really bad hurricanes were ripping apart the east coast. The last time I was in the same location was when my Mother passed away in 2018. We came together in January 2019 in Tampa, Fl to mourn our Mom and the kids' Grandma. I miss my mom and I really wish I was closer to my brother and his family.
I have communication with them some and we have video chat but it's not the same. I even orchestrated the zoom meeting with Dad, them and myself. I feel bad that I was battling depression at family dinners, now. I'd be so detached from the family on holidays and I haven't spent a holiday in years with my family as a whole.
This isn't a happy story but as with many things I have hope that they want me to stick around.
My older Sis says that in marriage the guy often leaves behind his family. I wish it wasn't the case and I really want to be apart of their lives.
Family is the biggest thing to me because families are supposed to represent a bond of love.
I truly love my older bro's family and am grateful for my brother because of his sacrifice when my parents were trying to adopt me. I can honestly say I am forever indebted to my family because if they hadn't adopted me I don't know if I'd be alive or who I'd be today.