Sometimes I feel like a second rate friend... but I'm thankful for those who make me remember that I'm not...
There was a time I had a car and a bestfriend named Rodney, oh and I had a girlfriend named Taylor. Okay that's a horrible intro to the paragraph. Once upon a time there was myself, my bestfriend and the love of my life my girlfriend Taylor.
Everyday I get reminders of my life when I had my parents here in North Carolina, I had Rodney and was "in love" with Taylor.
Taylor, we met at the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight night at a house party. Well I met her at the end where I was exiting. It was love at first sight. I walked past her and it was like electricity jumped from one of us and shocked us. It was like something I've never felt. I walked up stairs and was like this is so weird. I told Rodney and I had to do something then I ran back downstairs to her. I found her and said to her, I know this is weird but I'm Joshua and I'd like your number. Called her the next day and we had an impromptu date. In a week we were dating. I can explain love at first sight as an amazing jolt of energy that makes you feel all tingly and warm, pretty much weightless and I probably peed myself because of the lack of molecules holding me to the earth. She left me in Nov, 2011. I wanted to propose to her because I was delusional and she had become more delusional. I met very few friends of hers, that should have been a huge red flag. She was the only girl and last to come to a doctor appointment for my disabilities. I thought she was the one, ergo she wasn't.
"Things I think about:
I don't have best friends, sorry not sorry! It's the fastest way to burn someone you've put on a pedestal.
Don't put someone on a pedestal, they can't escape your inferno if you decide to burn the friendship.
I don't have best friends, sorry not sorry! It's the fastest way to burn someone you've put on a pedestal.
Don't put someone on a pedestal, they can't escape your inferno if you decide to burn the friendship.
Best way to be my friend, walk beside me not in front or behind me.
I'll carry your burden even if you won't carry mine but if I break from the struggle you better take care of me when I'm in pieces.
Currently taking applications." - April 26th, 2016
Rodney, he was my bestfriend. He's alive, I'm sure but dead to me. It started when we were in middle school, we lived in the same neighborhood and we were inseparable. Fast forward to graduating years... he didn't graduate high school and as a result was kicked out of his parents home. It was a travesty... He was a homeless 18 year old. Now my mom being the "saint" she is took him in for a while. Well he needed to finish school and have some help. Mom called all her connections in NC and no one could help. People in the south are some shitty people when it comes to helping out their fellow man. Skip to being sent to Syracuse, NY, my mom's connections in NY panned out there. The salvation army said they would take him in and help him get his GED. He went to NY and ended up being a carny. He lied to everyone and said he earned his GED but didn't do that till 2011. He was a needy friend but still was my bestfriend. He's why I don't have bestfriends. In that time frame he bounced in and out of my life. The last time I let him do that he left in the middle of the night and left a note. He had stolen over the summer, my mom's pain killers and rainy day money then threw me under the bus and said I took them and gave them to him. I was furious but forgave him. Well he left he couldn't get a job that whole time I had helped him write a resume and look for a job so he could keep his kids. He seemed helpless because he couldn't pull it together. He left in the middle of the night to run back to the carnival. He was a runner, when times got too real or too tough he ran from it all.
Things I think about: my friends are just what that means... You are my friends, you're replaceable
but if your family we ride for life. People come in your life for a reason and it may even be for lessons on tough love or maybe to test our mettle. I have been the same giving friend, that I have been my whole life... I give and care till it hurts... then if you hurt me too much I have to cut you out.
Things I think about... I really have few friends in the service industry. How do I know? I rarely was invited to outings, I was a lowly barback. Just good enough for praise but not good enough to be invited to events. So now that I'm out of the industry, I feel invisible, I should be happy about that.
I have learned that the hard way.
This is how I feel about leaving the service industry:
I'll carry your burden even if you won't carry mine but if I break from the struggle you better take care of me when I'm in pieces.
Currently taking applications." - April 26th, 2016
Rodney, he was my bestfriend. He's alive, I'm sure but dead to me. It started when we were in middle school, we lived in the same neighborhood and we were inseparable. Fast forward to graduating years... he didn't graduate high school and as a result was kicked out of his parents home. It was a travesty... He was a homeless 18 year old. Now my mom being the "saint" she is took him in for a while. Well he needed to finish school and have some help. Mom called all her connections in NC and no one could help. People in the south are some shitty people when it comes to helping out their fellow man. Skip to being sent to Syracuse, NY, my mom's connections in NY panned out there. The salvation army said they would take him in and help him get his GED. He went to NY and ended up being a carny. He lied to everyone and said he earned his GED but didn't do that till 2011. He was a needy friend but still was my bestfriend. He's why I don't have bestfriends. In that time frame he bounced in and out of my life. The last time I let him do that he left in the middle of the night and left a note. He had stolen over the summer, my mom's pain killers and rainy day money then threw me under the bus and said I took them and gave them to him. I was furious but forgave him. Well he left he couldn't get a job that whole time I had helped him write a resume and look for a job so he could keep his kids. He seemed helpless because he couldn't pull it together. He left in the middle of the night to run back to the carnival. He was a runner, when times got too real or too tough he ran from it all.
Things I think about: my friends are just what that means... You are my friends, you're replaceable
but if your family we ride for life. People come in your life for a reason and it may even be for lessons on tough love or maybe to test our mettle. I have been the same giving friend, that I have been my whole life... I give and care till it hurts... then if you hurt me too much I have to cut you out.
Things I think about... I really have few friends in the service industry. How do I know? I rarely was invited to outings, I was a lowly barback. Just good enough for praise but not good enough to be invited to events. So now that I'm out of the industry, I feel invisible, I should be happy about that.
I have learned that the hard way.
This is how I feel about leaving the service industry:
| “You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.” | |
- Paul Sweeney
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