My life in Quotes

“There were many, many times thereafter that Don regretted having enlisted - but so has every man who ever volunteered for military service.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Between Planets It was the summer of 2002, I just had my college career was over as I thought it was so, I wanted a new life. I was struggling with an ongoing change inside of me. I had already manifested bipolar. I was interested in the idea of military service. People who join the military have many reasons some are noble, some are nefarious, some are based on a plea deal, and others a way to help get a new life. My choices were I wanted to have a new life and I did love my country very much. I went to the recruiting office of the Marines here in Charlotte. It was a sad day, I didn't get my chance to serve my country like others in my family. I was immensely hurt. I have found that when my bipolar gets in my way, the chip on my shoulder grows and the weight of having bipolar grows heavier. It wasn't f...

“Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.” - Sarah Kay I would like to talk about dating but in a lesson kind of way. Some people say that they won't date another person again with the same name, date certain people with a certain name, or date someone with a family member's name. There's all kinds of criteria people have for what they want in a mate and it could be anything from superficial things to intrinsic qualities. Once upon a time, I dated three women named Taylor. There was Taylor the Redhead, who was my love at first sight, Taylor the Blonde and Taylor the Last. If you've read my blog Taylor the Redhead was as I said was my love at first sight. I loved her and my Mom loved her. When Mom loves her and you love her, that's the woman you have to marry.  Taylor the Blonde came next. I remember meeting her t...

One thing I have learned this week that people care immensely about me. It's been a great feeling all the love and insight. What's better is that I have introspective that I've gained. “Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” –  Noam Shpancer Dealing with my ex-best friend, Rodney was a huge heart breaker. Why because we had been friends since we were 12 and 13 years old in Matthew, NC. I told people hey, I don't want best friends because of him. My dad says you know it's not a bad thing but it's tied to a hurtful feeling. I had such fun and pure times with him. It was just two guys doing dumb shit and not hurting anyone. There never was pressure from either of us to do harmful things to anyone and that's why it hurts. I'm not going to talk about the hurt but this post is about the good times that I can actually remember. On Facebook, I wrote: " Today's lesson kids: Bad people...

My mindful prayer for the weary soul I love my bed where I lay my head. I give my thoughts to you instead. I love my siblings near and far. I love you Lord who protects my thoughts. I love my parents who taught me to pray We pray at night and when we wake. I thank you for protection over my Mind, body, and soul. Now I lay my mind to rest I pray to you for peace and to cover the rest. Amen

This is just a bunch of thoughts. They are interconnected on the basis that Facebook has a thing called timeline and it made me think at 2:30 am in the friggin morning. It helped me be grateful for where I've been and where I'm going. I've been in Charlotte since 1995, wow! I love this city and I've had a wild time here. I've made a ton of friends and if you ask this shy kid in 2003, would have ever touched so many lives and met so many amazing people, I'd have shit myself. Hahaha! I've worked for companies, left and been asked to rejoin them. I've had three recommendations to the police academy before I started CPCC. I've graduated high school from United Faith and I struggled with college and I overcame obstacles to get two Associates degrees and I'm working on getting a bachelor's degree again because it just didn't happen. I've had my heartbroken and had it pieced back together, a handful of times. I've played for the Jun...

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ―  Laurell K. Hamilton,  Mistral's Kiss I'm writing this because if I don't get to tell my story, the story is over! I feel suicidal, fear,  anger, humiliation, and I don't know who I am. I am not this guy, I'm not a coward and I won't back down in the face of hard times.  You do know time just doesn't start in one place for humanity. This starts in 2017 when I won my disability court case and I was told don't talk about the earnings. I'm a certifiable dumb ass kinda. I didn't directly say how much I won but I said I had won the case to some "friends". The person capitalized on it and wrecked my world. Will justice be served? I don't know, I didn't press charges because he was supposed to be my friend. I wrote a bit about the guy that stole my money in good faith to pay me back. I helped him way more than I could help m...

 ""Kanye told you college sucks so you should drop out, out but me, I'm just going to finish to make my parents proud, proud." ~ Sammy Adams I'm a headstrong guy. Hahaha! That's a pretty true statement. I have been in college since 2004 and my parents have always encouraged learning but at one time they wanted me to take on a trade skill instead of being an athletic trainer or go into marketing. I thought that getting an Associate's in Marketing Retail concentrated in Visual Merchandising was a smart move. I arrived at this degree choice because I have been working in retail off and on since I was 16 years old. I thought it was a good move and I wanted to prove to my parents that I wasn't wasting my time. I love school and I appreciate my professors. I have this mentor Pat West, she always had time for me to just come in and talk about my classes, work, and future goals. I struggled with school and I had great help from the disability service...

“And what if---what are you if the people who are supposed to love you can leave you like you're nothing?” ―  Elizabeth Scott,  The Unwritten Rule In the summer of 2013, I was alone. In April of 2013, I moved into a new place. I wasn't living with my family anymore. In reality, I was alone when my parents moved to Florida in May of 2013. How can I make such a statement? I can say this because when my parents left I struggled. I feel if it wouldn't have been so hard if my older brother had been there for me. He was planning his escape from Charlotte too. He was getting ready to move his family to Kentucky that summer. This is why I was alone. They lived in the Charlotte area but never gave me the time of day. I craved my family and I felt like I was a burden on them. When I came to my foster family the Harke's in 1982, they tried to figure out what to call me. My parents wanted to name me Paul and Brian wanted to give me the name Joshua. He gave me a name he wanted t...

“My heaviest burden is a past I can't change and nightmares that don't know how to forgive and forget.” ―  Nitya Prakash I don't remember anything about the day that I moved in but I remember talking about moving in. I was looking for somewhere to move because my parents decided to move to Florida. I'm reminded every year that it was coming and when it happened. I didn't want to move with them and you had a room I could rent. I am very grateful that I didn't have to move to Florida.  For a while, I was struggling and I didn't know how to explain my separation anxiety and I didn't even know anymore if we ever talked about my mental health. I do recall you sending your cousin and your friend to have conversations with me about what troubled me. It takes only one knife wound that doesn't heal to hurt a friendship and I'm talking about the night you called me a had a "Welcome Home Nigger" banner and I never spoke of it until I told...

I told my friend Erin today that I'm tired of being a good person. She's really insightful as she is still learning about herself. She has an ability to offer great insight which is great to be able to say something that is a real feeling and have it not invalidated. I didn't ask for advice but I got some great perspective from her. “Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds.” ~ David Deida This quote is about the ENFJ personality type. I have spent quite a bit of time these past two weeks on this subject. It's great for introspective.  "Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches, and our teachers, reac...

It's all in your head and are you sure it's not all in your head or aren't you overthinking things? Man, if I could just not have it in my head but and on my Google Nexus tablet around my neck continually for everyone to see my brain  and the patterns  and levels of anguish I go through, it would be awesome. “One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you're living with this illness and functioning at all, it's something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” ―  Carrie Fisher,  Wishful...

"Hi, Deborah, I'm Joshua Harke and I'm your biological son. It's taken me a while to get to today. I have quite a lot of questions and I completely understand if you don't want to share but I would love to know.  I don't know the whole story as to why I was given up for adoption but I was raised by the Harke's with love and I feel blessed to call them my family. I would like to get the chance to know you and I will try to understand that if you should choose to not wish to speak to me I will respect that. But whichever way you chose you should know somethings: I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a published author and blogger. I love art and reading for fun. I went to a few schools in NC and I live here now. I love kids yet I have none. I have been told I'm special and that there's this light inside of me. I want to make a change in this world but sometimes I struggle. I'm planning on finishing my second Associ...