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Just a Bunch of Thoughts that Lead to Somewhere

This is just a bunch of thoughts. They are interconnected on the basis that Facebook has a thing called timeline and it made me think at 2:30 am in the friggin morning. It helped me be grateful for where I've been and where I'm going.

I've been in Charlotte since 1995, wow! I love this city and I've had a wild time here. I've made a ton of friends and if you ask this shy kid in 2003, would have ever touched so many lives and met so many amazing people, I'd have shit myself. Hahaha! I've worked for companies, left and been asked to rejoin them. I've had three recommendations to the police academy before I started CPCC. I've graduated high school from United Faith and I struggled with college and I overcame obstacles to get two Associates degrees and I'm working on getting a bachelor's degree again because it just didn't happen. I've had my heartbroken and had it pieced back together, a handful of times. I've played for the Junior Checkers Hockey Team in high school and a Who's Who Among American Highschool Students recipient. I was Ace and Tj's Intern Mocha at one time. I've been blessed to call this place my home even after my parents moved to Florida and left me here. Hahaha. In 2009 -'10 I thought I was dying, I had pink eye twice, mono, a sternoclavicular injury from MMA and the flu. I've had struggles and overcome abuse in the forms of physical and emotional. I've prayed for my abuser and seen miracles that a man who was like Saul became Paul. I've buried my younger brother Jasper when he was 13 and flew to Florida for a funeral to bury my Mom a year later back here Charlotte in 2019. I've been social media assassinated with my character on trial and I have wanted to end it all. I'm in love with life and I'm a huge romantic. I look back at everything that I have done and all of you that I've met and many more that will come and I'm proud in a good way.

Who would have thought that a lowly barback would start a charity and have two unMasquerade Balls and still spell it wrong on the souvenir mugs! I look forward to eventually getting The Jasper Tree funded and graduate with a first Bachelor's degree in a few years in special education. I want to be married someday and have a little me. And still, I have a disease that people are afraid of or manipulate against me.

I'm not southern but I might as well be called a southern gentleman by now, I'm a published poet, blogger, and artist. I believe in celebrating the past and learning from our mistakes and moving forward, even if I struggle until I move forward. I wanted to die this week because of so much pain that will pass but needs to be addressed from here till I heal. Suicide isn't the answer and I know that and I'm the first one to say it and my friends have voiced that into my heart. I've been hurt as a voiceless and protected those who've had no voice.

I'll get through this just like everything else. Trust me, it might not be graceful but it's gonna get done. I have such a big heart and big dreams that are obtainable. I've been told don't talk about your mental illness people don't want to hear about it or abuse. I have even found out which apple tree I fell from this year. I want to do so much more good and bring happiness to people's lives because people have helped me and my family and it takes a village of therapists, pharmacists, and psychiatrists to help me somedays. Hahaha! I struggled writing this because of what happened in '08 when I actually tried to end it, I know the consequences and the ripples that will be felt. Never stop believing and having big dreams. Never stop loving people around you especially in these times.

~ One Love
p.s. I have forgotten a huge thing about my sobriety and the huge impact it's been in my life for 3.5 years.
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