One thing I have learned this week that people care immensely about me. It's been a great feeling all the love and insight. What's better is that I have introspective that I've gained.
“Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” – Noam Shpancer
Dealing with my ex-best friend, Rodney was a huge heart breaker. Why because we had been friends since we were 12 and 13 years old in Matthew, NC. I told people hey, I don't want best friends because of him. My dad says you know it's not a bad thing but it's tied to a hurtful feeling.
I had such fun and pure times with him. It was just two guys doing dumb shit and not hurting anyone. There never was pressure from either of us to do harmful things to anyone and that's why it hurts. I'm not going to talk about the hurt but this post is about the good times that I can actually remember.
On Facebook, I wrote: "Today's lesson kids: Bad people can do nice things but bad people are still bad people." His sister commented that it was a flawed statement. Bad people can only change with the grace of God, I told her. I felt she could have been alluding to her brother. He's not a bad dude.
In fact, that wasn't the idea ever. You know the guy got a raw deal in life just like me. His parents kicked him out at 18 because he didn't graduate high school and I didn't have that same experience. We were misfits just trying to make it in life together. We walked a similar path just figuring out life isn't fair. I was so fortunate to have the parents I have. They made sure I was equipped to handle life. He is such a bright and smart guy. He was adopted too and that was our bond. We did so many things together. He ended up getting kicked out and crashed with us. My parents sent him to Syracuse, New York to get help because Charlotte, NC has a horrible reputation with helping people who have a mental illness. He struggled with high school and wasn't getting a complete help and wasn't putting in the effort senior year to utilize what help he was given. Oh yeah, he was a Boy Scout and I think he was pretty good at it. Very thoughtful guy. I think his mental illness was manifesting at the same time mine was.
When I went to college I took my best friend with me even though he didn't graduate high school, until after he went up North. We did some crazy stuff, like when we found a fight club in the back lot of the bowling alley in Matthews. It was the craziest shit ever. We fought each other and I hit him with a ton of force and I messed up the cartilage in his ear. He just shrugged it off and we thought it was funny. He was there the first time I smoked weed and it was one of three times I ever tried it and I honestly didn't enjoy it. I was in York county with, my GF, him, and her friend. We hotboxed the car and got very silly and just stupid. I had to spit and spit on the window and thought no one saw it. Everyone saw it and I couldn't live it down. We never hurt anyone, that was just our compass. And, you always have that and that one-time story, we did a very reckless thing, we raced a pickup truck on WT Harris and turned the car on its side, riding on two wheels. It was a rush that I never want again.
This one time we bought beer from the gas station and we were so excited because it was with a fake id. I had ended up buying alcohol-free beer. We still drank it because you know what it was still beer and we saw it as a success. Hahaha!
There was even a time we were given weed!!! Some guy was like hey you guys look like you could use this!! I ended up selling it!!
One of my saddest memories with him was when I had to drop him off at the Greyhound bus station, it's like letting go of someone and never knowing if I ever will see my best friend again. We sat at that Greyhound all night till he had to get on his bus. Absolutely a scene out of some sappy friend movie.
You know he popped back into my life a few times after he ran away with the carnivals that ran the east coast. He joined up with them in Syracuse at the NY State Fair. We stayed connected off and on for years. I remember the day I gave up sodas too. It was in his parents' house that I told him, hey these sodas make me sick. I decided to quit and rarely touched them ever again.
My favorite memory was the day he graduated Highschool, ten years later. He did it and I was his catalyst. I was proud of him and proud of our friendship. He left me one night with an apology letter for being called away to his wanderlust. I was hurt but you know, gotta do what you gotta do.
You know I never got to say all the good things about our friendship because I was blindsided and I feel I never got to vent properly just bottled it up and never got to say how much he really meant to me.
He reached out to me when my Mother died and offered his condolences because my parents touched his life significantly. He later reached out and apologized and said he was 8 years sober. That was amazing as getting his GED and he had his second opportunity to be a father again after his kids were taken away from his baby momma and him. I didn't have a long conversation with him but I'm proud of the distance he has made on his journey even without me in it.
“Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” – Noam Shpancer
Dealing with my ex-best friend, Rodney was a huge heart breaker. Why because we had been friends since we were 12 and 13 years old in Matthew, NC. I told people hey, I don't want best friends because of him. My dad says you know it's not a bad thing but it's tied to a hurtful feeling.
I had such fun and pure times with him. It was just two guys doing dumb shit and not hurting anyone. There never was pressure from either of us to do harmful things to anyone and that's why it hurts. I'm not going to talk about the hurt but this post is about the good times that I can actually remember.
On Facebook, I wrote: "Today's lesson kids: Bad people can do nice things but bad people are still bad people." His sister commented that it was a flawed statement. Bad people can only change with the grace of God, I told her. I felt she could have been alluding to her brother. He's not a bad dude.
In fact, that wasn't the idea ever. You know the guy got a raw deal in life just like me. His parents kicked him out at 18 because he didn't graduate high school and I didn't have that same experience. We were misfits just trying to make it in life together. We walked a similar path just figuring out life isn't fair. I was so fortunate to have the parents I have. They made sure I was equipped to handle life. He is such a bright and smart guy. He was adopted too and that was our bond. We did so many things together. He ended up getting kicked out and crashed with us. My parents sent him to Syracuse, New York to get help because Charlotte, NC has a horrible reputation with helping people who have a mental illness. He struggled with high school and wasn't getting a complete help and wasn't putting in the effort senior year to utilize what help he was given. Oh yeah, he was a Boy Scout and I think he was pretty good at it. Very thoughtful guy. I think his mental illness was manifesting at the same time mine was.
When I went to college I took my best friend with me even though he didn't graduate high school, until after he went up North. We did some crazy stuff, like when we found a fight club in the back lot of the bowling alley in Matthews. It was the craziest shit ever. We fought each other and I hit him with a ton of force and I messed up the cartilage in his ear. He just shrugged it off and we thought it was funny. He was there the first time I smoked weed and it was one of three times I ever tried it and I honestly didn't enjoy it. I was in York county with, my GF, him, and her friend. We hotboxed the car and got very silly and just stupid. I had to spit and spit on the window and thought no one saw it. Everyone saw it and I couldn't live it down. We never hurt anyone, that was just our compass. And, you always have that and that one-time story, we did a very reckless thing, we raced a pickup truck on WT Harris and turned the car on its side, riding on two wheels. It was a rush that I never want again.
This one time we bought beer from the gas station and we were so excited because it was with a fake id. I had ended up buying alcohol-free beer. We still drank it because you know what it was still beer and we saw it as a success. Hahaha!
There was even a time we were given weed!!! Some guy was like hey you guys look like you could use this!! I ended up selling it!!
One of my saddest memories with him was when I had to drop him off at the Greyhound bus station, it's like letting go of someone and never knowing if I ever will see my best friend again. We sat at that Greyhound all night till he had to get on his bus. Absolutely a scene out of some sappy friend movie.
You know he popped back into my life a few times after he ran away with the carnivals that ran the east coast. He joined up with them in Syracuse at the NY State Fair. We stayed connected off and on for years. I remember the day I gave up sodas too. It was in his parents' house that I told him, hey these sodas make me sick. I decided to quit and rarely touched them ever again.
My favorite memory was the day he graduated Highschool, ten years later. He did it and I was his catalyst. I was proud of him and proud of our friendship. He left me one night with an apology letter for being called away to his wanderlust. I was hurt but you know, gotta do what you gotta do.
You know I never got to say all the good things about our friendship because I was blindsided and I feel I never got to vent properly just bottled it up and never got to say how much he really meant to me.
He reached out to me when my Mother died and offered his condolences because my parents touched his life significantly. He later reached out and apologized and said he was 8 years sober. That was amazing as getting his GED and he had his second opportunity to be a father again after his kids were taken away from his baby momma and him. I didn't have a long conversation with him but I'm proud of the distance he has made on his journey even without me in it.